Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
