Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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