Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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