This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
