I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
