i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
