i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
