Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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