there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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