It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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