You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
