look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
