I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
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I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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