8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
