peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
