Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
