you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
