i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
