why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
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