Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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