i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
