He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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