Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
