I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
