Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
