im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
