It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
