is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
