dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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