My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
