i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
