That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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