I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
