I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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