I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
