Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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