I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
