Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
