They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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