whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
