just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
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I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
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Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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