do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
ttyl tear gas
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
