bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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