I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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