I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
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