The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
