would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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