I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
