U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
