I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
