I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
