ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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