I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
