I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
