When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
