Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize