next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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