Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
