between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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