you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
