Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
operation have a gay friend backfired
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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