we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
