I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
