he wants to bone in the snuggie
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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