So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I can text with my tongue
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I got inside last night via doggy door
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
