We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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