I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
