dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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