So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My legs feel like baby dolphins
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
