this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
