I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
