I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
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She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
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Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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