I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
