how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
