paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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