**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Your cock deserves a montage
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
