I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
