I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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