if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
