Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
