Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
