you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
