Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
