She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My dick has a subreddit
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
